Dear M,
No thanks to you all trying to gang me up today with the same old question, which you refuse to listen and believe whatever we say. No thanks to you all that troubled me write this letter at this hour, with hope that will allowing me to sleep tonight.
I kind of regret for losing my cool today, flustered, angered, trying my best to explain the protocol that the authority recommend, the definition of "observe" , not your definition of "observe", which you clearly stilll not accepting. I regret because why do I try so hard and get boiled up, perhaps making myself looked flustered and unprofessional, to get into an argument with a stonge person, and a bunch of people who clearly do not believe a single word I say. Why did I fight when I'm about to leave soon? I regret because I did not call for higher help at that point, and holding the fort alone in the enemy's land. And obviously, I will lose, but not without a fight. And it was a fight that was unintentionally, yet exploded due to consistent harrassment of the same issue and the same outcome due to stubbornness to understand, to learn and to change.
Of all the silly and ridiculous statements you made, I thought I did alright to deflect them and debate them, yet I wished I was smoother and slicker. And perhaps, I should have just said what my senior has later suggested: "I'm not going to get into an argument. If you have any concern, talk to my boss directly. " Or perhaps include what MY has suggested "I'm sure they will listen to your valuable opinon. ", which would have easily annule the tension and I did not have to loose my cool. And perhaps, I should have better and simpler direct to the point explanation. "That's our recommendation. If you don't do it, it will be your responsibility for any complication." " If you don't do it, we will just PRIME you."
All we are asking is just a simple procedure to those client who are at risk! That's all. And you are making a big fuss of it!
Honestly, it all came down to you being lazy in doing a simple procedure, refuse to take responsibility, closed minded, and worry about not being funded. You do not want to change. You influence others with what you believe. You trust your own experience instead of research and findings. However anecdote is not based on research. You do not care for you client at all.
And in the end, since it has been an ongoing issue, why did you all harass me again and again with the same issue, while I'm just doing what my boss asked me to do? Did the others get the same? Isn't it a form of workplace bullying? Or is it truly like what the others said, there's racial discrimination in it as well?
I do not know whether my explanation has make a difference today, or perhaps made me more of an enemy now, making the whole situation worse. And perhaps I'm just overthinking about it, and people forget about it, and life goes on. Should I take this further? Definitely I need to let my boss know about it. But to what extend I should do it? Will all my effort be in vain? And what am I fighting for?
I wish I can sleep now. I wish things will change. I wish they would listen. I'm tired.
jy
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