暗渦

K,

因你傷心不滿而在陰暗漩渦邊徘徊

小心步走在邊沿，拒絕陷入無底洞

無法對別人說出被影響的心情原因

我想拉你從漩渦裏出來，伸出了手

你卻不想出來似的，越陷越深

想把我吸進去

難道只有轉身離開抛你離去

就能清淨？

人生短暫只有一次

爲什麽要執著于坏情緒

多希望你能放下，解脫千絲愁

然後和我向前

                   jy

          

奇緣

Y,L,K,S,X,

那是一個在異地奇妙夜晚

突然登門造訪陌生的我們

和過去嫌少有交際的你們

過了一個時冷時熱的雨夜

靠僅有相似中學回憶大笑

不知你們是否尷尬悔見面

這種厚臉皮勇氣或不再有

這聚會是第一次或是最後

卻是不停回味感嘆的緣分

                                     jy

潘多拉

L,

你積極正回應

驚奇答案恐慌

你如何發現我

不該開潘多拉

只好選擇沉默

              jy

Out of the bush

Dear Y,

             Finished my 2nd rural stint. It was not as hectic as I thought. And again, I wished there's more facilities here available in the rural area so that people do not have travel 6 hours to get the services they need. People living in urban or metropolitans area are really lucky, where everything is covenient, sometimes we take things for granted.

            Before I left, visited the fossil museum,  fossil sites, and had a chat with the Paleontologist. The huge patience and time in fossiking and restoring the fossils of creatures 100 millions years ago are admirable! Each fossil tells a story of what happen then before they died. I wonder millions here from now, maybe they are people fossiking what we have now, hey. Well, likely they will have the technology to easy restore and access the information we have now. 

                                                                                                                     Cheers, jy

                         
         
              
            

星星

在郊外沒有一片雲朵的夜裏看星星，想起

清明時節淩晨和父親趕路去掃墓。

年少時和同學露營旅遊。

在海邊盼流星的浪漫。

和相知同伴在異地看星象。

失意時在城市裏難得的幾顆星。

T，我在這裡輕易看到了銀河系。

S，我想起那個夜晚和那次旅行。

H，我已經不再尋找流星許願。

M，你爲什麽不打電話，是不是生我氣？

多希望你們也在這裡。

天空相聯，你是否也見到閃爍星星？

眨眼的星星,  並不孤單。

Night in the bush

Dear X,

             The night sky of the bush is full of bright stars.
             I could see the milky way and could not care to distinguish the many horoscopes.
             The night breeze blows and I felt quiet and peaceful for a while.
             Reminded me of Ayers Rock night with SF.
             The skies of the dawn, the dust, the night all were quite similar to Ayers Rocks.
             R is a organised town, wide roads with minimal vehicle driving slowly.
             There's a huge manmade lake, which is a clever addition to this town in the middle of nowhere.
             And an old dinasour which I thought look like an alligator.
             With a family or with people you love, this is an easy town to live in.
             Where life is simple, and it's all down to basic needs.
             There's no place to hide, and you are left facing yourself and the nature.
             And when no network coverage available of my phone, no internet at home. This hits me more.
             And yes, this is not my home. I'm a stranger in this wide pale land.
             So most of the time, I'm on the edge, because I'm on call 24 hours a day every day.
             Should I study more, I do want to go to the museum or the lake or the field to take more photos?
             But then I could get call anytime, maybe I should rest more.
             And then, nothing happend, and sometimes I rather I'm at work, then the feeling of uncertainty. Probably said that before.
             I think the best thing is to enjoy the moment, and face the music when it comes.
             Relax. Savour the moment. While I can.

                                                                                                                 jy
         

The longest drive, and 2nd rural stint starts,

Dear MY,

           Today, I drove 530km from dawn to my second rural placement.
           The round white moon was on my right, and the round red sun on my left.
           It was a long drive, my longest drive ever to date. Quiet straight roads most of the time, with changing bush scrubs and poor dead kangaroos/small animals and carniverous magpies along the side road. There are cars/trucks/road train passingby, occasionally train on the rail by the road,  but it's quiet most of the time until you come to another town. And the distance between towns are quite far.
           So, I'm truly in the bush now. And I thought my last placement was rural, this is definitely more remote. And I'm working solo this time. Did some work today, and it has been smooth sailing so far. Hope that everything goes well.
                                                                                                        From the bush,
                                                                                                                  jy
                                                                                                 

坦率點啦！

ＭＹ，　
　　　　爲什麽若葉和西瓜蟲都不能坦率？！
　　　　五嵗的小孩子活得坦然快樂，大人不應該更是榜樣嗎？
           怎麽一大堆藉口讓自己說出和心理違反的話？
           看到大家反話應反話，漸漸分道揚鑣，真是着急。
           盼大家活得坦盪盪，相愛的人不要不能在一起。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ｊｙ　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　                                                                
                                 

The phone interview

Dear X，

         Had the phone interview today. Fumbled through some of the questions because I didn't calm down and think properly what they want to ask from this question. Oh dear.. I have no idea what I was talking about, and only after few minutes, I understand what they want, and at times I didn't hear clearly. Why did they not asked specific straightforward questions? 
         Anyway, tried my best at that moment, leave the rest to them. At least I gave it a go.

                                                                                                                                   jy

Lost books

Dear X,

           I truly think that there's something dying at the memory part of my brain.
           I've lost a book, which I've either left it at my workplace months ago, or put it into the library return bin.
           Now, I couldn't find the book that I hold on this afternoon.
           And realised I could have lost another one by leaving it at the last workplace.
           Please let me have my books back. And save my deteriorating memory storage bank.

                                                                                                                 jy

                                                                                                  
     

中秋節快樂

親愛的家人，
 　　　　　
        不知身在家裏的天空是否夜了？月亮已否又圓又黃的在天邊慢慢升起？美國應該還是白天吧。　
        原本以爲這裡今天一直多雲的天空，是看不見月亮了。可是擡頭十五的月亮在如紗的飃云后，安然的散發溫柔的光芒。
        剛剛穿了有中華領子的衣，和朋友們在大馬華人餐館慶祝中秋吃自助餐。其中一個朋友帶了新女友來。對於他找到讓他幸福的人，真替他感到高興。
       今年的月餅多虧ＹＪ探望時隨手帶來，而有得吃。可惜是純蓮。但是難得能在中秋前吃到，真好。以往窮學生時期，都是等到中秋節過了，月餅跌半價才肯捨得買來吃。
       聼著仁順伊的“爸爸”，隨歌聲感動。月圓人既不能團圓，思念盼從圓月傳達到你們那兒。但願人長久，千里共嬋娟。　
       中秋節快樂。

                                                                                                     ｊｙ 賀
（等下給你們電話哦！哈哈。）

First rural stint ends

Dear Y,

            I've just finished my first 24 hours weekend shift, where I am supposed to be on call after normal shift. But I've worked from 8am to 3am, took a bath, slept, and then got another call in at 4.20am, and never left until morning handover. So officially only one and half hour sleep. There were constantly jobs to do with things to learn, and time flies in a tick.
            I told the boss that I had a busy night but didn't specify. The boss was busy to get into starting mode, we had a quick handover, and my 1 week placement was all finished. I've expected to work in the morning, but it seemed like the boss was prepared to be on his own today.
             It was a bit disappointing, because I wanted to see what he thinks about about my assessment as a junior, and how he planned to do. I guess being on call overnight, there's a sense of duty and wanting to follow-up the things that you started off with.
             Probably no one cares about what I do, since I'm just a reliever, where the position is filled by different people who comes and goes all the time. But, I do care, and it hurts. 

                                                                                                                       Probably a bit oversensitive,  jy

自私的傾訴

親愛的H，

              我可能是自私的。
              找別人傾訴自己的事情。
              只顧想自己的煩惱。
              有誰願意真心聼和操心你的問題呢？
              又不是他們的事。何必花時間聼你說跟他們不相關的故事。
              這就是我以前不喜歡散文的原因。
              這就是爲什麽我對別人自拍反感。
              個人部落格和臉書Status也是一種想呈現自己的自私。            
              可是無人能傾訴，就像一個被搖晃的香檳，氣泡在瓶裏增加著，只等木塞被人輕碰，壓抑的心情就隨氣壓轉變，一發不可收拾。
              你會怎麽做呢？
           
                                                                                          
                                                                                        jy 上

Slipping through my fingers

Dear Y ,

               Today I received a phone call that could have been an opportunity.
               But it was in the middle of busy work in the morning, and she was happy to called back in 2 hours. But she didn't, and when I called back, she called in sick and will be on leave for a week.
              The funny thing is that at this stage, I have no idea the reason she called. I know where she is calling from, and I can guess why. But I didn't manage to ask her, and she didn't say.
              So honestly, I have no idea whether this call was the opportunity that I've hoped for. Or is it still what I've hoped for?
              Is it because it was not meant to be, as I've missed her first call, and couldn't continue the second call?
              Is it because I just wasn't keen enough to stop work, and sort it out?
              Isn't there a saying that opportunity comes to those who are ready to grab it? I've missed it twice, and would it be all my fault for letting a possible opportunity slipped through my fingers? I feel like smacking myself!!!! So near yet so far.
                                                                                                           Cheers, jy
                                                                                                              

First day in rural

Dear MY,

         Today being at a new rural workplace, I realise how lucky we are working in regional area, where everything is easily accessible, which we take it for granted. I realise the wide spectrum of things our job deals with, and again, see my weakness. Hope that everything will be alright, I'll archieve steep learning curve while everyone stay safe.

                                                                                                                  Wish me luck, jy

愛情電視裏的一些男人

親愛的MY，

              我們羡慕並且喜歡上熒幕上深情款款一心一意為女主角默默或大咧咧付出的男主角或男配角。期望他們的愛可以得到另一方的珍惜和回應，也縂為那個被發好人卡注定得不到女主角的愛的男配角叫屈。
             我們喜歡這些近完美男人，也清楚知道虛構和現實。在累和寂寞的時候，更渴望膽大心細溫柔可靠的男人，善待，支持，了解，保護和愛著我們。我們感嘆他們怎麽不出現在我們身邊。縂説好的男人要不是有了喜歡的人，或是名草有主。
　　　　　茫茫人海中，他到底存不存在，我這一生中會不會遇到這樣的一個人，靈魂伴侶？是不是錯過了？是不是不會再有了？是不是根本沒有屬於我的另一半呢？我是不是該尋找？還是等待？
             唉，嘆氣的同時，只想說地球依舊轉動，在等待那個人的儅兒，繼續充實愛惜自己。如果直到閉上眼睛也沒遇見那個人，至少到最後對得起自己。沒人愛我，我還能愛自己啊。
                               
                                                                                                                            jy上                                                       
　　　　　
ｐ／ｓ：奇怪的是韓劇女二縂是費盡心機想拆散女主角和男角色。也許這是因觀衆群以女性爲主，而設計的？縂要有兩個人爭一個人，還有同性的嫉妒。難道不可以是女二是那個默默付出的人？　

Beast, want to have a coke?

Dear S, 

          Today I've finally watched "Beastly", which is based on the novel of the same name, a modern interpretation of Beauty and the Beast story for teens. In the film, there were excerpt of this poem by Frank O'Hara that showed appreciation of simple things in life with your loved one. Maybe you will like it as well. As for the movie, it was a feel-good teen chick flick, nothing awesome, and I didn't hate it. What underneath is more valuable than the outer good looks.
                                                                                                                    Cheers, jy

Having a Coke with You
is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles
and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them
I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse
it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

冷落

X,

           今天聚會，他在我主動打招呼時匆匆應聲便走了。
           也許是我忽冷忽熱，所以他如面鏡對我。
           如果是，那怪我不對，是因果。
           也許一切是自作多情多想。原來我只不過是說“Hi。”一字的人。
           這美麗傻氣的誤會和擦身而過，一生中會有多少次？

糊塗的ｊｙ

Music

Dear M,

            Today, a long lost ex-housemate sent me a video of her covering a song.
            Come to think of it, all of my housemates/ex-housemates have genuine love for music, either singing or music instrument playing. And the love of music bridged us, who had different personalities. I remember the days where we watched American Idol together, prepare for singing competitions, karaoke singing, and the sing-a-long sessions with guitars and keyboards.
            For me, music/singing is a medium of emotion expression, and I've alway appreciate good music. Years ago, E said that my eyes lightened up when we planned to go karaoke. And when I didn't have a keyboard, my fingers always longed the touch of the piano keys.
            As I aged, I listened to the lyrics harder. Sometimes it's difficult to get good combination of both, and usually the nature of the melody will win listener's heart first as it does come down to the music. But a meaningful lyrics will have lastening effect too, it's just too bad if the music is not as good.
           She asked whether I still sing. And frankly, I don't think we will ever stop singing wherever we go. This life needs music for joy or sorrow, and to go on. 
                     
                                                                                                           jy
          

Cucur Udang

Dear YJ,

      It's a tiring official last day with my current team.
      When I went back home, there was a box of shrimps in the fridge.
      And the first thing in my mind was to make "cucur udang" = shrimp fritters.
      So, I googled the recipe, modified it according to what I have in the fridge, and produced my own version of cucur udang, which tasted quite similar to the ones at home. Hurray! Attached below is a photograph of it.
      Also, another kind-of good news, I'm not as jobless as I thought when snail mail reached 6 days late. Well, another thing to consider as now I only have 4 days left to think.
                                                                                                                                      jy