Dear D,
Before you left, you said we will see each other someday down the track.
But what if people do not meet again, and the last encounter is literally the last?
Because our time together is up, because it is time to get down the bus and move on.
The truth is the only person that is with me all the time, is just me.
The people I have met lives in my memory, and flash up as an image or like a video clip when a trigger occur in daily life. Or randomly in unpredictable dreams.
It could be a smile, a joke, a thing that he or she did, an emotion, and I relive that moment again in my brain. And the memories carry me through.
Maybe that's how I avoid being lonely while being alone.
We always think there will be next time. However, life is short and can be gone in a snap. Yet, how do we treat each encounter respectfully without being overly serious, or how do we make it light yet meaningful? And ensure the sincerity come across without overburden the person involved?
I wished I have spent more time with Ah Em, but the encounters we had are embedded in my memory and she is living in there, though she is gone now. And tears won't bring her back, though I can't stop them from falling.
I miss you too, which I can't tell you. I regret that I can't convey my honest feelings to you on the last day, that I really enjoy your company. I wish I treated you the same like everyone else, then I would ask you whatever I want without hesitating and you would be able to see the true curious, carefree and talkative me. I regret treating you coldly for two weeks based on some stupid advice, and wasted the opportunity given. You must think that I am weird too, being hot and cold. Yes, I think I am being careful and given too much thought when I am near you, and hence could appear to be cold because I want to hide my true feeling. I thought initially it was just a distraction from exam stress, but it has developed into this weird thing. Also, I was confused about the period when you kept teasing me.
Are we even friends? Yes, I am confuse. You don't even text me and asked me how I am since we parted. You avoid talking to me when I failed my exam. Or the harsh truth is that all this while, I am this passerby that you decide to be nice or have a tease when you feel like it, but remain as a passerby. As you said, you do not mean anything that you say. You even want to pay me money so that you feel less guilty of people treating you nice. Am I only worth Aud 2?! I am worth much more of that, priceless! Haha.
I know time will eventually heal wounds and allow me to forget.
Lastly, the poem below reminds me of you.
悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来。我挥一挥衣袖．不带走一片云彩。
Jyc
